How do you deal with disappointment?
Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction or unhappiness that follows when our expectations or hopes are not met in reality.
Remember how you felt the last time you:
-Lost a game or failed a test
-Underperformed on competition day
-Didn’t get the job
– Felt let down by someone you trusted
You may say, “I’m gutted” and notice feelings related to sadness or loss.
We all experience disappointment at times. As uncomfortable as they are, these experiences can teach you useful things which can help you to improve your focus and clarity about what you want, and where to concentrate your efforts. For example, feelings of disappointment can improve awareness of your own beliefs about who and what you think will make you happy. This can be very interesting to explore…
All of your experiences have the potential to enable you to grow and develop. Making sense of seemingly negative experiences can help you to become more resilient.
Sometimes, it’s easier to respond to disappointment by blaming others, it can feel harder to take responsibility for your own behaviour or deal with the painful rejection or undesirable outcome. It’s natural to want to avoid the pain, sadness or shame – to move on quickly, or put on a brave face and ‘act’ positively, sometime for the sake of others.
However, the problem with acting like all is fine when things are unresolved is, you may not have made sense of the situation or learned from it, therefore, you are likely to repeat it. Burying negative emotions can also manifest in avoidance behaviours, impacting on confidence and progress in the long term.
“I cant take anymore disappointment, so I avoid challenging situations altogether….”
The great thing is, you can rebound from knocks and disappointments when you learn from them, it’s one of the ways in which we become more robust. It will help to develop your growth mindset.
“I have learned…..”
When you learn, you are less likely to repeat your mistakes, you can become more resourceful and resilient. Through this process, you can also learn to see these experiences as positive experiences though which you have gained something valuable- we call this reframing. Reframing is a useful skill and way of thinking which will help you to see the positive- or glass half full. (I’ll write more on reframing and how to cultivate this skill in my next blog.)
A good performance coach can support you to develop by drawing these learnings. You can also do this for yourself through self-reflection.
Need a coach? Want to overcome performance blocks? Email me for further details of my coaching packages.
Interested in reading more about mindset? Check out this blog.
Photo by Gareth Smith
Photo at @Function_SFR